Coward

I think of myself to be a pretty good person overall. I try to get along with people, and although I'm not the most generous or selfless person on the planet, I don't think I'm all that much different from anyone else. One thing that's different about me (from most people I know) is that I have this need to impress people.

Being a person who feels the need to have a good image to other people, I constantly think about how my actions will reflect me as a person, and worry about what other people might think of me. I want people to like me, and I want good things to be said of me. My close friends tell me that people only say good things about me, but that reassurance only goes so far, because I know people who have told other friends the exact same thing, only to hear them bitching behind said person's back. I know that it's hard to say the truth sometimes, but I would hope that my close friends at least are honest with me, especially since I do try my hardest to be honest with them as well (and if I can't tell the truth, I usually just refuse to say anything at all).

You know what the worst thing is though? I don't like the person that I am at all. I spend all this time trying to make other people like me, when I don't even like myself. I think it's true that you usually know your own flaws better than anyone else, but I just think mine are so tremendously obvious, that I can't imagine how anyone could ever like someone like me.

I want to change myself, but that's not easy. If I make a conscious effort to change myself, will I end up as a different Liz, or the same old Liz who pretends to be someone else?

Does it make me an even sadder person if I want to change myself for another person as much as it is for my benefit?