Semester 2 timetable

I am really not pleased with my semester 2 timetable. Well, Monday to Thursday is actually pretty good. It's just Friday which bugs me, because 1) there's no break throughout the day, and 2) each class is in a different building. The first 2103doh lab is in our new building (G40), the next 2015msc lecture is practically on the other side of campus (G30), then we have to walk BACK to G40, and finally head over to G17 for our final lecture. It just doesn't make sense. I'm not pleased with the fact that 2015doh (a DOH SUBJECT) isn't in the new dental building. Like seriously. Griffith needs to get its shit together =="

feeling a tad lonely

After talking for weeks on end to my friend about wanting to go on a Melbourne or Sydney trip during the upcoming holidays, a trip is finally happening! Except that I'm not invited, even though it seems that pretty much everyone else is. :(

I guess it's understandable .. because there are two mini groups going, the clubbing group (just guys) and the eating group (everyone else), and I suppose I'm not really all that close to the people who organized the eating group's trip. But still, it seems that everyone I know in the coast was invited except me. Yesterday, while I was out with a couple of friends, they kept bringing it up, and I mean I'm glad they're not going out of their way to keep it a secret from me because that'd probably make me feel worse, but they don't need to constantly talk about it while I'm around, you know? Then later in the day, we met up with another friend, and when she asked me why I wasn't going, I just told her it was because I wasn't invited. Then, she invited me, but she probably only did that because it was the polite thing to do, and not because anyone actually wanted me there on the trip.

It makes me sad that I still feel like the outsider. Well, I still am the outsider, clearly. haaa .. I was planning a camping trip, but now I just don't really want to. I mean, after coming back from Melbourne, who's going to want to go camping? They probably won't be bothered, and no one'll have any money either to buy supplies to go camping with. Plus, they're all sort of high rollers .. haha who wants to get dirty camping.

I just want to go dig myself a hole and not have to see anyone :(

First impressions

Never have I been a good judge of character. I've never stuck to my first impressions of friends, and now that I know each of them better, I actually find it hard to imagine why I thought of them the way I did initially.

I think when I meet someone for the first time, I tend to see the worst in them before I see the good. For example, I thought my best guy friend was a total fob loser the first time I saw him, and I thought my best girl friend was just another snobby asian. I also thought that this one guy I know was just some bogan asian who spoke crudely all the time, and he turned out to be one of the most caring guys I know. I mean, we're not real close or anything, but he always looks out for me and makes sure I'm comfortable, and he watches what he says to me (like he might call some guy the c-word in front of me, but he would never use such language towards me).

I'm trying to stop judging people based on my first impression of them. When I meet people now, I just try to keep an open mind. I always thought I was quite open, but I guess I wasn't .. not really. Nowadays, I just try not to form too big of an opinion of anyone until I've held a proper conversation or two with them. That's good, right? :)

On a side note ... oh gosh, I have literally just been eating and eating all week. And this is coming from a person who said they'd eat minimally, exercise as much as possible, and drink a dam full of water a week. *sigh* I wish there was an easy way to lose weight.. :( I've put on so much weight that I can barely recognize myself. It's so hard finding decent clothes to wear, and I've pretty much just been rotating between a couple of shirts and the same pair of pants for every day of the week, pretty much since .. forever. I need to stop making excuses to myself and just do it! *sighhhhhhh*

I think I know what I'm doing with my life career-wise. But it's everything else that makes me feel like I'm a sinking ship. Sinking, because I don't feel the suffocation one would when they're drowning in sorrow, or heartbreak, or anything like that; sinking, because I feel helpless a lot, and I don't know how to get myself out of this state; sinking, just constantly sinking.

I don't think I would describe myself to be a sad person. But I don't exactly think I'm happy or content with life the way it is right now either. It's weird. I'm not sure why I get this feeling of helplessness. Or why I feel like I'm sinking. I just know that something's not quite right.

Just for a short time, I want to get away. Funny though, aren't I? I want to spend my days alone, roaming foreign cities, and yet at the same time, I want to go on an adventure with my close friends, and just talk with them all day and all night. I want to spend every aching second lying in bed by myself, reading a book and sipping some coffee, but at the same time, I want to spend every waking moment surrounded by the people I love, just sitting together, perhaps not even talking. I love my alone time; I also love my friends. Both of these things make me happy.

But then. That makes me think of my close friends .. and I realize that where I would want to include certain people in all of my adventures, I'm not one of the people that they would think of to include in their own journeys. And so. I fall into some sort of sadness, because I want to be a person that you might miss. I think I say "I've missed you" or "I miss you" a lot. Not excessively; but I find that I do miss the company of certain people, especially since I usually see the same people each week. But ... aside from my exes  and close girl friends, people don't usually say something like that to me. I guess I'm not someone people usually think about .. and when you don't see someone, and don't think about them, there's no reason for you to miss them. So there you go. I'm not a person worthy of being missed. That makes me sad.

Most of all though, I think I'm just lonely. I'm tired of trying to talk to people who won't listen to what I have to say. I'm also weary of always texting people, expecting to have to wait at least a few hours for a reply, or never receiving a response at all. Maybe I'm a boring person to talk to. Couldn't people just tell me they're busy or something so that I can stop waiting on them?

Fuuuuuu- Why am I always so dramatic? I beat myself up a little inside, every time I write a post. I know this is how I feel, but I don't like writing it down. It feels necessary though, for blogging seems as good a method as any to let pieces of myself out. *sigh* I think I should start counting the number of times I sigh in a day. Lately I feel like sighing is my most common action.