Life is like a river, and most people jump on the river of life without ever really deciding where they want to end up. So, in a short period of time, they get caught up in the current: current events, current fears, and current challenges. When they come to the forks in the river, they don't consciously decide where they want to go, or which direction is right for them. They merely "go with the flow". They become a part of the mass of people who are directed by the environment instead of by their own values. As a result, they feel out of control. They remain in this unconscious state until one day the sound of the raging water awakens them and they discover that they are 5 feet from Niagra Falls in a boat with no oars. At this point, all they can say is "oh shit" but by then it's too late. They are going to take a fall. Sometimes it's an emotional fall. Sometimes it's a physical fall. Sometimes it's a financial fall. It is likely that whatever challenges you have in your life currently could have been avoided by some better decisions upstream.
It's funny how often people decide to determine their future depending on the outcome of a simple coin toss. Well, I guess the word 'future' is a big word but it's true, whether it be for small decisions such as choosing what to have for lunch, or large decisions like leaving the fate of your university course to a coin toss. Most people leave it to a coin toss because initially, they're unsure of what path they want to take. However, as written in the picture above, I think most people suddenly realize in that brief moment when the coin is in the air, exactly what they are hoping for. I don't think I've ever just tossed a coin where my hope for the outcome was weighted 50/50 on whatever I allocated to heads or tails. And despite knowing exactly what I want, would you believe me if I told you that I went along with the outcome of the coin regardless of whether it corresponded to what I hoped would be the outcome? It sounds so stupid - who cares about a stupid coin? It doesn't know what I'm thinking... but it happens. All the time. Maybe I'm too stupid at the time to realize that I could end up regretting my decision to follow the outcome of the coin.. Well, luckily I don't do it often.
Something else I've been thinking about is this: why do so many people care about things related to me when I don't want to care about those things? This could sound confusing and simply retarded, because the obvious answer would be that they probably care about me and hence they take interest in my matters and judge/make conclusions/think what they want to think about them. Hmm the reason I came to this thought was because as I came to learn about people who were in worse situations than me, my issues suddenly didn't seem to matter that much. As I thought more about it, I realized that people often make huge deals out of little bumps in our otherwise smooth lives. Yes, I know I do this too [very often, at that]. But I do have random moments like now when I just sit back and question why other people care so much [and do keep in mind, the "issues" I speak of are the ones that are viewed negatively]; because often, the only reason why I care so much about certain issues pertaining to myself is because of others' perceptions. If they could get over it, then I could comfortably go on with my own life without the extra stress of having to worry about things which are already a part of my past.
Oh, and I have had a few people ask me about the specifics of what I write about when I'm vague in my blogs. But chances are, unless I bring it up to you first then I'm likely not going to reveal anything more than what you read through this site of mine - which is, I guess, like a diary but just a little less intimate in terms of how much of me you are exposed to emotionally. So I'm sorry for my vagueness but it's just a frosty window shielding Liz and the only way to get past it is if I invite you in first.
Vc'b snne r jqvyn bvetn V'in ufen cqvb. qnqn. V wdbc jrec cf brl .. btanj ninalcqvep V wdbc jafcn. Yrcnyl V'in sntfzn debdan fo qfj V onny reu vo lfd wdbc cfyu zn cf pf srtx, V cqvex V ryzfbc zvpqc sn jvyyvep cf.. zrlsn? Sdc vc'b cvzn cf tfzgyncnyl ync pf V cqvex reu zfin fe cf fcqna gnfgyn reu fcqna cqvepb. V ufe'c jrec cf sn cqn vuvfc jqf'b bcvyy qfyuvep fe, reu bf pffu ydtx reu ruvfb. Vc'b cvzn cqrc lfd brvu pffusln cff. =]
It's strange when someone like me doesn't feel like talking to people. I guess even I need my alone time .. although rare, these times do exist in Liz's world too.
o We're like alarm clocks. When the time is right, sparks would fly and a bell would ring in our head but only for us to hear, telling us that it'll work out. When time is slowly ticking away, waiting for it to change its hours; we cling desperately onto memories of when the sparks did exist. And when the battery runs out and time stops, so do we. We stop clinging onto memories and sadly, that's it. That's our ending.
o One minute its perfect and the other, a complete disaster. Like a yoyo, we're hanging by a thread; rolling up and down, sometimes making it all the way to the top and sometimes just dangling there, swinging back and forth all the while praying that the thread is strong enough not to break.
o Sometimes you've got to let go of something you think that is the best for you to help you realize that it wasn't.
o There are things I'll never say, things you'll never know, and things that could have and would've changed everything between us, forever and for all eternity.
o Let’s pretend that today is just today
Like nothing will happen when the day ends
Like it’s just any other day for you and me
Let’s pretend that there’s a tomorrow for us
o Do you love someone because they're perfect for you? Or are they perfect because you love them?
Third post for the night. I just feel like sharing things tonight~
I came across this cover of Paramour's 'The Only Exception' on Youtube:
After listening to the song, I was reminded of a scene from "He's Just Not That Into You" and it goes like this:
Gigi: [opens the door, thinking it's Bill] Did you forget something? Alex: Yeah... Gigi: Really? What did you forget? Alex: [pulls out a promotional pen from his pocket] This. Gigi: So you came all the way here at 11 o' clock in the night to give me a promotional pen? Alex: Yeah... Yeah, I did. I thought I would come up with some really great excuse to get over here. That's how it's done, right? Gigi: [smiles] Sometimes. Alex: Look, I can't stop thinking about you. I... It's a problem. I drive by your place; I call and hang up; I've turned into... Gigi: Me. Alex: Yeah. Gigi: A wise person once told me that if a guy wants to be with a girl, he will make it happen, no matter what. Alex: That's true. Gigi: But when I was hurling my body onto yours, you did not seem to want to make it happen. Alex: Okay, yeah, here's the thing about that... You were right. I'd gotten so used to keeping myself at a safe distance from all these women and having the power that, that I didn't know what it felt like when I actually fell for one of them... I didn't know. Gigi: Look, I just went out with your friend Bill. He might be just exactly what I need. No drama, he calls; he does what he says... Alex: [stepping closer] I can do that stuff too... Gigi: But you didn't! And that same wise person told me that I'm the rule. That I have to stop thinking that every guy will change, that I have to stop thinking that... Gigi: [Alex kisses her]
[smiles] Gigi: ... I'm the exception... Alex: [whispers] You are my exception.
[they kiss again]
What do you think of when it begins to thunder? I, for one, love the boom of thunder. But that wasn't always the case. Until about the age of 8 I was absolutely terrified of thunder, and so whenever my mum sat on the ground with her back leaning against the sofa, I'd crawl into the small hole that was made between her back and sofa, thinking that would protect me from anything the thunder could possibly throw at me. Then one day, my older sister told me that the rain was the angels' tears falling from heaven, while the thunder was just the sounds of the angels playing the drums. She doesn't recall ever telling me that, but I remember clearly. I don't think I was ever given an explanation for the lightning which preceded the thunder, but I wasn't ever bothered by it I suppose. Somehow, thunder - which was something I greatly feared - became something which would soothe my mind and comfort me when I became angry or upset.
Sometimes I still get scared. Not of thunder, but of other things I was afraid of since I was young. Hopefully one day I'll overcome all of my fears so that I can live confidently on my own without having to rely on others all the time.
After being pressured by some persistent people to write a blog entry, here I am, for the first time in a while. Yet another rant ..
The more I spend one-on-one time with someone, the more I begin to realize how annoying I may seem to them. Well, I don't try to be that way; I would prefer to be a person who others don't dread being around, but I've noticed that the closer I am to someone, the more I begin to badger and nag at them. It's been particularly noticable lately, as I've had more alone time with people than I've had for a while. Yes, I hate that I'm like that but at the same time .. I'm not quite sure how to change my behaviour. Is it my fault that my method of expressing my love for my friends is in such an annoying way? Well, yeah .. It is. But I don't know what to dooo. I like to hold onto people when I feel that I need someone - but why do they push me away instead? Personally, trying to hug someone but being pushed away by them is something which will instantly make me feel at least a little cut. And I don't know if you know this about me, but once I'm a bit sad it's hard to completely rid my system of those upset emotions. It's my fault though - I've always had this belief about me that I live to be with people, and people are as important as oxygen in my life. Hence if someone I love needs me, I would go to the ends of the earth for them. This is exactly where my problem lies. I have this faith in people, and think that they would do anything I would for them. But, obviously, this is not the case because other people can react differently to their unique situations and people.
Bleh on from depressing topics ... I'm really content right now. haha Ironic that I would write this straight after ranting about things that I currently dislike about life, but asides from what I just wrote above I think I'm happy. Well, life could be better of course .. But good and bad things come and go in life, and you've just got to learn to overcome the obstacles while enjoying the happy moments to their fullest I guess.. That's what I'm trying to do right now. Recently I confessed to a friend about my worry concerning my annoying nature, and they asked me "So what are you going to do if they don't really like you anymore once school ends?" clearly referring to how I'd keep in contact with friends now that they had a chance to escape. It was asked in a joking manner but I'll give a serious answer anyway since that's just how I roll. Well, my answer is that if I really cared enough about them as a friend, I would put in the effort to remain friends with them and just hope for them to return a little bit of my efforts. It seems that as graduation day looms nearer, more and more people have been discussing and asking me about who I would keep in contact with. The more this topic of conversation is brought up, the more I feel that I'm really the loner who won't be able to stay close to anyone in school despite my efforts. It seems that the more I think about any topic, the more negatively I begin to view it. = =;;
*sighs* And it really does take me effort to talk to people. People like Esther just do not understand. My conversations do not just 'flow' and I cannot say things out of nowhere 24/7. That often requires thinking for me, and thinking drains energy. Maybe this is why I enjoy the company of people like Tommy - conversation is never forced but when we do talk it's usually interesting enough to last a while. And really, I think it's extremely rare that we have pointless conversations which lead nowhere - that's something which makes me happy. Because everyone has those kinds of friends who you only ever really talk about school or work with, and to be honest I have quite a few of those friends. It's sad when I'm with someone and the only topic we can both relate to comfortably is something boring like school.
Ahh well I've laid out some of the thoughts which have been running through my mind today.. Feels good after not having done it for so long. It's definitely easier than trying to say it out loud .. somehow I feel a lot more reassured when I write about it instead ><
To end my post .. I'll post a couple of songs. They've got a real classic feel to them .. like ballads from 5+ years ago. I'm absolutely loving it.
Hello.
Hello.
How have you been lately?
Hmm that's a good question.
Care to elaborate?
Well, it's a good question because it questions my well-being from every aspect; how I've been feeling mentally, my physical health, my grades at sc-
Yes, sorry. I meant to ask how you have been feeling as of late.
My feelings?
Yes, your feelings. Emotions.
Emotions...
*silence*
What do you think?
Come again?
Nevermind.
Please, I'd like to know.
Maybe next time.
No, please. I insist.
I'm not sure.
Not sure?
Yes.. I've been feeling a mixture of things, and I'd like for it to clear up before I reveal anything.
Oh.. I look forward to talking to you then, when everything's crystal clear then.
Goodbye.
Bye.
I've included the news article around the Youtube video below also =D
The scene was captured by another passenger and uploaded to various websites and YouTube, causing a huge stir among netizens, Monday.
The video clip shows the old lady reprimanding the student for sitting cross-legged and the young girl talking back to her. Losing her temper, the old woman grabbed the girl’s hair, pushed her around and threw her on the seat in the car, while other passengers watched the scuffle.
At the end of the clip, the teen girl shouted into her cell phone, “I hate Korea, dad!” and swore at the old woman. Then she noticed the person recording the scene and said: “Upload it onto YouTube.”
Eyewitnesses explained other details not included in the video. They said the student sat with her legs crossed, wearing shoes smeared with mud and it had stained the old lady’s clothes.
She asked the girl to remove her dirty shoes from the seat and the student apologized twice. The old woman continued to scold her with abusive words and the teen girl then refuted and began talking back to the old lady, when the recording of the clip started.
A netizen said the old woman habitually provokes quarrels with other subway passengers and demands younger people to give up their seats for her.
Reaction from the general public was divided into three types — some blamed the rude schoolgirl for using crude language to the older lady, while the others condemned the old woman who attacked the young student and began quarreling with her.
The third group blamed the onlookers for doing nothing. “I think the people around them just watching are also part of the problem.
They should have pulled them apart,” a netizen nicknamed Mirunamu said.
I'm sure you all would have seen the video which asks you to count the number of passes that players in a team make with a basketball, where the actual hidden intent of the video is to see if you observe the random moon-walking bear in between passes, which I'm sure no one would have noticed. Well, below is a more challenging version - and you'd think that you'd notice what was 'different' or 'weird' since you now have knowledge of the true intent of the video, hence you can search for them. Good luck!
Edit [6 hours later]
There's another video I would like to share, and it's actually a song.
It's a song that I used to like, and at some point in time was a song which actually meant something to me. Not for long, but nonetheless, I take sentimental meaning from the lyrics to many different songs. Hmm it's one of the few songs by Hoobastank that I'm very familiar with.
Oh yeah, this song randomly started playing on my playlist because it's on shuffle. It's a song that I used to hear EVERY single day on the radio:
I guess tonight's another Youtube/music night. I like sharing this stuffs =D Well, time to get off blogs ><
Here is a translate of a korean poem I read. I can't remember the author ^^;;
When it rains,
Look into the raindrops.
Raindrops have scars.
When it snows,
Look into the snowflakes.
Snowflakes have scars.
Scars are the bread and butter of our lives.
When it stops raining,
Look into the sunlight.
Even sunlight has scars.
I think everyone has scars in their life. But the magnitude of the pain doesn't matter. To a person who has felt 100 pain, 10 pain is nothing. But to a person who has felt no pain, 10 pain can become a huge scar. So if everyone has to have a scar, accept it. Yesterday I thought, 'if I had a choice of being given 100 pain to be what I am now, or receive just 10 pain and become a despicable person, I would without a doubt choose 100 pain. Because from a clean state, the difference between 100 and 10 is nothing, because there isn't anything to compare with. It's not important what kind of scars you have. What's important is that you patch it up, and no ones gonna do it for you so get your act together.
Also, if you think like this, there is no one to be jealous of. Because no matter how happy, how lively a person looks, they have their scars, just like you.
I'm not sure if you understand me, but that's how I feel anyways ^^
What a good day ^^
That feeling of your heart drumming against your rib cage so hard that you think that it might just have enough energy to break right through. That feeling of the wind kissing your hair as it tries to escape from the miniscule space in which you are trapped in. That feeling of knowing you are free from the confinement of your home; the watchful eyes of your parents. That is exactly what I felt as I left home at 7pm without so much as a "goodbye" to my parents who were surprised to see me wearing non-pyjamas, running towards the front door as a gentleman awaited my presence on the side of our lawn. It was the feeling I got as Hayden raced through each road, going as fast as 130kph, taking me away from the place that I least wanted to be - home. I love the nightlife; the city. I love seeing the deserted beach, the waves just rolling in, each consecutive wave trying to overtake the one before it. I love observing the lame Korean magician who has such fobby English that even I have trouble deciphering each of his words. I love pocketing three pool balls in a row, and then failing at my attempts to even hit the same coloured ball for the next five turns. I just love being away. Oh, the freedom. I suppose if I were to pinpoint any 'negative' part of the night, it would be that it wasn't spent with the right man. But still, you wouldn't believe how wonderful, comforting and just relaxing it is to spend [part of] the night out with someone who isn't bitchy, isn't overly emotional, and is just 100% friends with you. No awkwardness, no need to impress the other person, just good company. Dang I can't wait to move out of home, or get a car..
I got jordan to take the quiz at james an cuz i was bored.
Your Existing Situation
"Sensitive and compassionate, but still feeling some strain and pressure. Finds he unwinds and relaxes best with the people who are closest to him."
Your Stress Sources
"Needs to meet people who have the same high principals and values as himself, but finds the need unfulfilled. His need to feel dominate and superior leaves him feeling isolated and does not allow for him to give freely of himself. He would like to surrender and let go, but sees that as a weakness he must not give in to. Holding back will allow him to stand out for the crowd and earn a higher status, recognized by others as unique and important."
Your Restrained Characteristics
"Has high emotional expectations and desires to be the center of attention, which makes it difficult to find a satisfying relationship. His reserved, cautious nature makes him emotionally distant. "
"Struggles to make his demands clear, but feels ignored. Feels resentful, but acts as if he doesn't care, doing what is necessary to keep peace."
"Believes his hopes and dreams are realistic, but needs reassurance from others. Has strict standards when looking for a partner and wants guarantees that he will not be disappointed or lose."
His arrogance causes him to take offense quickly. Only those closest to him know deep down he is sensitive and sentimental.
Your Desired Objective
"His current situation is viewed as unpleasant and demanding to much out of him. He is stubborn and close-minding, feeling his way is the only correct way."
Your Actual Problem
"Struggles with his need for respect and admiration from others; feels he needs to make a name for himself and stand out from the crowd. He acts out by insisting he be the center of attention, and refuses to step back, stand down, or take on a minor, insignificant role."
"Craves change and new things, always looking for new adventures and activities. Becomes restless and frustrated when he has to wait to long for things to develop. His impatience leads to irritability and a desire to move on to the next project."
Your Stress Sources
Feeling empty and isolated from others and trying to bridge the gap between himself and others. Wants to live life to the fullest and experience as much as possible. He cannot stand any restrictions or obstacles put in his way and only longs to be free.
Your Restrained Characteristics
"Self-centered, tends to take this personally and is easily offended, which leaves him feeling isolated."
"Current situation makes him feel unable to prove himself, but tries to make the best of things."
Conceited and is easily insulted. Holds back emotionally but is able to find satisfaction through sexual activity.
Conceited and is easily insulted. Holds back emotionally but is able to find satisfaction through sexual activity.
Your Desired Objective
"Highly optimistic and outgoing personality. Loves to learn new and exciting things, and craves new interests. Looking for a well-rounded life full of success and new experiences. Does not allow himself to be overcome with negative thoughts or self-doubt. Takes life head on, with enthusiasm. "
Your Actual Problem
"Fights resistance or limitations, and insists he is free to develop in his own way. Rewarded by accomplishing things on his own, with little to no help from others."
Your Actual Problem #2
Is afraid he will be held back from obtaining the things he wants leading him to act out with a hectic intensity.
I took the quiz that Catherine did, at Color Quiz and got the results below. I would say that most of it seems quite accurate to me at the moment, but you'll have to take picks at which parts are true and which parts are false.
Your Existing Situation
Desperately needs a close relationship with an affectionate and accepting partner; or some other way to be recognized and known.
Your Stress Sources
"Let down from hopes and dreams being unfulfilled or disappointing her. Is doubtful and uncertain about the future and weary of choices she needs to make. Feels conflicted between hope and necessity, causing undo pressure and stress. Is unable to make smart choices and helpful decisions to find solutions to her problems. Spends too much time and energy pursuing minor insignificant issues as a means of escaping."
Your Restrained Characteristics
"Has high emotional expectations and desires to be the center of attention, which makes it difficult to find a satisfying relationship. her reserved, cautious nature makes her emotionally distant. "
Emotionally demanding and will involve herself in close relationships but won't get too involved or give too much of herself.
Feels trapped in a helpless situation and is desperately seeking relief. she is able to find pleasure and happiness in sexual activity.
"Feels she is carrying more than her share of problems. She is flexible and laid back, sticking to her goals and working to overcome any difficulty."
"Feels trapped in a helpless situation and is desperately seeking relief. she is able to find pleasure and happiness in sexual activity, as long as there is not a lot of conflict or emotional difficulty."
Your Desired Objective
Believes that ideas and emotions should come together and unite perfectly. Refuses to make compromises or negotiate.
Your Actual Problem
"Is disappointed and let down, feels there is no point in making new goals as they will leave her feeling the same way. Is unable to admit to her short comings, which leads her to act out in an aggressive and resentful way."
Your Actual Problem #2
"Feeling tension and stress brought on by situations which are out of her control, leaves her feeling helpless, anxious, and in adequate. she tends to act out as a way of covering up her short comings and blames other people for her failures."
Instead of doing the english study that I should be doing, I'm going to write a quick blog post since it's been such a long time. I become a little disappointed each time I check back on one of the blogs on following, only to see that there are no new posts since the last time I checked! Generally I'd say I check for updates .. oh, only maybe one hundred million times a day. Okay, that's more than just a bit of an exaggeration, but I am always eager to read the inner thoughts of my beloved writers. There's a strong correlation between my most recent behaviour and general attitude, to the absence of my writing through my blog though - that is, my blog reflects my recent laziness and de-motivation to write anything. It's not like I haven't been feeling anything - my moods always go through cycles of ups and downs. It's just that of late, I haven't been bothered to put my feelings down from head to blog. And paired with that, I must say that I'm honestly becoming quite scared of writing how I feel here now - it feels like it's just here for the entire world to read about my vulnerable side.
Well, on from the intro and formalities.. I'm wishing that certain things in my life hadn't happened, particularly as I talk through them with people around me. Well, they're not all things that I can control - some are concerning other events which I couldn't possibly change or take control of. I've had a lot of time to reflect back on me, and I don't really like the person I am at the moment. The thing is, I want to change and I know how, but I have a side of me which is extremely stubborn and won't let me have my way. Yeah, well, that's my fault too =.= Gahhh if you know what to do, it's only a matter of following the instructions dumbass. Why can't you even do that. Oh well, I'm just going to go with the flow and see how things turn out, and hopefully they'll turn out for the better =]
I've wasted a bit of time writing and I'm feeling very guilty for not focusing on English, so I'll come back and write at a time when I don't have anything else I should be doing [never?]. Ciao!
