Ai mei

 Aimei - more than friends and not quite lovers. Hmm..

Rainie Yang even sung about aimei -



I think that this is something girls are more likely to understand than guys - because I'm sure many girls have felt this before. Also, it's what confuses us the most at the same time.. Btw don't get me wrong here, I'm not in "aimei" state, but I just thought of it after all those "Do you have a crush?" questions on my formspring. And also, my answer still remains a no to that question, although I would like to have someone to crush on, since it makes life so much more interesting xD

I think the state of being in ambiguity in your relationship with someone is really frustrating. It's a strange thing to describe if you've never felt it before.. Sometimes, it can make you happy because you're led to believe that there is more to your relationship than being just friends. Other times you'll become sad when you come to realize that you're not actually 'lovers' and are still.. friends? At the same time you'll be glad that you have them as a friend. Urgh, it's so complicated!

Parts of the lyrics of the song I posted above are so true - you don't know whether to push your relationship forward and keep going, or just give up and withdraw.

Oh something just came to mind. You know what is really .. gay (for the lack of a better word)? When one person is in an actual 'lovers' relationship, and they're in a somewhat 'aimei' situation with another person. But at the same time.. it's so hard to judge people on this because it depends on their circumstances. Well, it sounds wrong full stop, but after watching some of my friends go through aimei while in separate relationships, it seems that sometimes it's necessary, or inevitable to happen between some people. But then if you think of the other person in the real 'lovers' relationship, you feel bad for them and think that aimei is definitely no-no no matter what. Blah.

Andddd ... I think I contradicted myself at least twice in what I just wrote =____=;;

Hmm so... I've been watching the hit counter on my blog for the past couple of days, and the numbers are increasing!! I'm almost at three quarters of 100 hits , and it's only been up for about 5 days!! It excites me when the number rises.. Although, what I'm really curious about is who actually reads my blogs. Hmm maybe I should be more careful in what I write about if people actually read it Oo"

Well.. I think that one of the posts I recently wrote is very very.. something that I should remember? Sentimental - that's the word I think. haha...

I think I'm just blabbing everything that's been in my head, since the only people I've really spoken aloud to in the past two days is my family and Catherine (over the phone for a little).. It's kind of driving me mad, so I think I'm going to go on msn and chat with people. =D Have a good night!

Fascinating stuff you won't believe

My sister told me to watch last week's episode of Sponge because there was this really interesting thing on it.. So I did, and GOSH I was surprised. So what they did was, they got a sheet of glass and a whiteboard marker. On the piece of glass, they drew a stick figure. Then, they poured water on top and around the whiteboard marking, and it slowly lifted off the glass and began to move. As they poured more water around it, the image of the stick figure moved further and stuffs... Gah I tried to look for it on youtube, but that was fail.

Well, here's another interesting thing I found while searching for Sponge clips on Youtube:

Today sucks

I woke up with my head pounding, as if there was a little goblin inside my head trying to get out of forming a hole in my skull... and then I became very sick, and I was informed by my mum that the chicken I had eaten at 4am was actually off.. Why was I eating chicken at 4am? I don't know, I got hungry and I still had english and tok to do =___=;;

Hmm the highlight of today has been logging into facebook, and seeing Sooyoon's notice about coming on live on ustream. For those that don't know, Sooyoon is part of a band called Royal Pirates, and he said that today he might be signing with a label, who knows.. There was a chat thing and he even answered a few of my own questions and stuffs, so it was pretty cool.

Apart from that... urgh I just want to get back to bed and never get up again.

She

I witnessed it all from the start, just when she was beginning to flourish. I remember the days where her rosy cheeks lit up in delight at the smallest things. She would end the day feeling satisfied, and begin the next day feeling happy - even if she was required to wake up at 5am, there was not a breath of complaint. I was watching her fall in love.

I was told that one night, he unexpected confessed his feelings towards her. And she was ecstatic. Everything was in full bloom, and it was as if Spring lasted over a year. Her best friend had coincidentally fallen in love at the same time, and they both shared their magical first kiss on the same day - without realizing til later, of course. Together they nurtured their fragile little hearts, until one day they both thought that they were as strong as steel. Together, their love grew, and the happiness came to be contagious around other people.

I remember.. I remember the days where she told me that she gave it her all. She seemed so brave, like someone I could never become. She said that she could trust him - completely. She rejoiced in each touch - each hold of the hand, each hug, each kiss. She was beginning to fall too deep without realizing it.

Then, one day her smile began to falter. Dark circles began to grow under her eyes, and I watched her as she sank lower and lower. She was confused - didn't know who to talk to; just like a lost little puppy. Tears glistened in her eyes each day, and she began to disregard her true feelings. She forgot what it was that she liked. She even began to forget how it felt to smile while going to sleep, and the next morning she wouldn't know what it was that she cherished so greatly.

I watched her confusion spiral downwards - until one day, she decided to end it with him. For the next couple of months, she questioned constantly whether she should or shouldn't have done that or not - but by that time, she realized that it was too late. And I saw.. I saw how depressed she was. I saw her eyes when she found out that he had already moved on - but she herself, hadn't.

She began to live each day like a zombie. I couldn't believe that this was the same girl who once called herself the "Happy Angel". Could this really happen to a person like her? I suppose that's the reality of it all.. With the help of friends, her shattered heart attempted to begin to mend itself - but it was no use. There was a hole there, which could never be filled up with anything - not mud, not concrete, not herself, not her friends.

Over time, she told me that the hole began to fill with memories from the past. She didn't want this to happen, but she said that there were too many factors which made it impossible to be filled with anything but the past. She began to smile. At the beginning, she forced the smile to form each day. Then, as it became a routine, she became used to it. Her lips began to curve in the slightest natural smile - and I knew that she was getting better.

Today I saw her again. I wish she was happier. Because she deserves it, doesn't she? There's so many things that she still doesn't understand, and trying to move on seems so hard without knowing the answers. But she's trying, I can see it. I just hope she can get back up completely, and smile the way she used to. I really miss those days..

I love fruit!

The title: My Motherfucking AWESOME Dinner.

Okay so I got home, and even though I had a feast for lunch (a Hot Dog + Massive Spring Roll + Half of a bottle of 5-fruit juice) I got really hungry at around 6pm. My mum kept asking me what I wanted to eat for dinner: porridge, meat, rice... Now, I love all those foods. But I was really, REALLY craving some good fruit. So while my mum was outside tending to her oh-so-beloved garden, I decided to ninja-chop some fruits for my dinner:

• 2 apples
• 2 persimmons 
• 2 kiwis
• 4 mandarines

Oooooo YEAH THAT'S RIGHT. I don't think I've eaten so much fruit in one go.. It took me a while to get through it all, but I absolutely loved every single second of it. 1.5 hours later, my stomach is still feeling bloated, so hopefully that'll last me through gym and two lessons at school tomorrow =D

OKAY so besides my mega fruit feast.. I know I had something that I wanted to write about, but I don't remember anymore.. Oo" Oh well... The feel of this entry seems so different from my past ones. Maybe it's because I wrote it in a much lighter tone! This, in turn, creates a completely different atmosph- .... blah.

 I uploaded the video of the domino thing that Kristy, Jordan and I made during badminton session today onto Facebook because I got bored and completely forgot about the english assessment, TOK essay and EE draft which is all due within the next three days. After watching it again... I've just realized that it doesn't look as funny as it was at the time. Oh well!



I think that our group [by "our group" I mean everyone except the Brisbane guys] should start organizing formal arrangements - such as the limo and where we'd stay the night, etc. Well, that is assuming that we don't just all go back home.. That'd be boring.

EHHH I'LL COME  BACK LATER IF I DECIDE THAT I WANT TO WRITE MORE. RAWR

An intimate moment with Liz's mind

I have got to say that I think I am one of the most frequent bloggers of all the people I know that blog. And yet when someone tells me a comment about my blog in person, I get surprised that there are people that read them - despite the fact that occasionally someone will comment on them online. And at the same time, I'm surprised that there are still people very close to me who don't even know about it. Not that I'm complaining or anything, I'm just surprised.

So as some people may or may not have realized.. I kind of write randomly about what's on my mind at the moment and don't plan these things ahead of time. Did I write about that in my previous entry? I don't even remember..

What do you think of one-sided relationships? Friendships, love... any kind. Are you in one at the moment? The most depressing and obvious downside of being in one is that you don't get the same kind of appreciation for your feelings in return from the other person. I used to sometimes get confused in my friendships, wondering whether they were sometimes one-sided. Well, at those times I used to hint at it - and sometimes said it to their face. "Do you care about me?" - what an insecure question. Its quite pathetic, really.. And I guess the other person/people never really knew that I thought that way.

I think.. that if you're someone who really cares about your relationships then it would really (truly) break you to be asked "Do you really love me?" This is kind of breaking away from the friend-relationships, but in a lover's relationship they might bring up factors such as your age; "We're both young, but you're even younger. How can you be sure that this is love?" Well, asides from it hurting to be doubted in your emotions and thoughts, it's also really tiring to be asked those kinds of questions. Back to friends... I guess that makes me a hypocrite? haha.. But I'm not that bad, really~ Ironically, I only ever get insecure about relationships with the people I love most, which encompasses a wide group of people xD Well I guess that makes sense, because you wouldn't really think about people who aren't close to you right? Is it weird that I think about myself and my friends and my relationships with people and my circumstances 90% throughout the day?

Maybe I think about these things too much =___=;; Well.. as a friend.. regardless of whether you tell me that you need me or not, I want to be there for you.

Here's a nice quote to end my blog by an unknown author:

"A stranger stabs you in the front; a friend stabs you in the back; a boyfriend stabs you in the heart, but best friends only poke each other with straws. "

Happy Birthday Tommy

Personalize funny videos and birthday eCards at JibJab!

Inspiration

I was on Bypass Fanpages which is a site which allows you to view Facebook fanpages without having to 'join' or 'like' or take any surveys and quizzes. While browsing the site, I came across a youtube video about a guy who has no arms and no legs. It's amazing how someone with so little, can be so content with their life, while people like us who have it all are always thinking about how much better things could be. I don't think I could embrace life in the same way in which this guy did, but it's great that there are people out there who look on the bright side of life, regardless of their own personal circumstances. Well, here's the video below, and it's only a short preview of a DVD which he created.. But I think it's enough to be able to feel from it:

I love my friends

Someone told me to upload some pictures to my blog to make it more interesting. Well, here you go.. If you've read my previous post, you'll know that I hid a secret message into another bigger message. Well, the picture above shows exactly how I felt last night after I received a reply - because the person found the secret message! I guess small things like this can change my mood so drastically. Not only did they discover the secret message, they also wrote things back to me which made me feel even better. Ahh isn't it good to have a friend who's not very good at understanding peoples' feelings, but they can unknowingly make others smile anyway? I don't know, I like it~

Oh and in response to someone's blog about people who don't mind their own business.. I've got to admit that I'm quite the curious person, but I definitely don't tell the whole world about other peoples' secrets. Do you know one way in which I can tell whether someone is trustworthy or not? I think back to when I first met them, and if they said to me, "I'm not supposed to tell you this, but.." within a short period of time of knowing them, then I take that as an immediate warning to myself - because one day they might take my secret and spill to other people in the same manner. I know that lots of people would say that time isn't a huge factor in how quickly you can become close to someone, and I completely agree because sometimes I can get extremely close to people within a few days. However, there are sometimes limits as to how close you can become to someone, even if you spoke to them on the phone for 6 hours at a time. If a person told me about someone else's secret that quickly and easily.. I'd be worried. Oh, but telling things about yourself is completely different of course xD

Careful with what you say about other people... I used to tell a certain someone about anything and everything (about myself, about other people, about anything) because we were so close, and we didn't know anywhere near as many people as we do now. Back then, things were innocent and cute, and so we told each other... literally everything. Things have changed now, and I've come to the realization that besties don't have to tell each other everything they know, because secrets are secrets. And I stand by my word when I tell people that I won't tell anyone else about their secrets and keep them to myself.

Well anyways... time to eat fruit <3

Friends!

It's so difficult writing about what happened during my day and things like that, because.. Well here's a short story: I used to only talk about what happened throughout the day. A certain someone told me that they didn't like that kind of small talk, so I made huge amounts of effort to talk about different topics. And now when I blog, or write emails, it's very difficult for me to only recount what happened to me physically because it seems to be so repetitive and boring..

Well that wasn't the point of this blog. Have you ever written something to someone with a secret message, without letting them know that there's a secret message inside? For example, writing an email and changing the colour of some parts to white so that they wouldn't immediately notice it (in fact they might never notice at all). Or writing a message in the form of an acronym. *sigh* I wish that .. that person would notice that there was more to what I said.

Reading back

I've been reading back on my old diary entries. Not just from my blog, but from my hard diary and from my sending/receiving of emails. I'm surprised at how far I've come, and wondering how far I've got to go. While reading my diary entries, I came to a realization: regardless of whether the content was about things I enjoyed, or events which brought tears to my eyes, I didn't feel happy reading about them. The three words which came to mind with every entry I read was: Fuck this shit. Because it all seems so fake, stemmed from my naivety as a young foolish girl who doesn't really know anything, and is willing to believe everything. What a wasted youth.

Did I Make It Through The Light?

Okay the title doesn't really have anything to do with what I'm about to write; it was part of the lyrics called Light Zone by M.C the Max. Well anyways, I was thinking about whether making my blog public was the right thing to do. I remember the days when I first started this blog and I poured out all the contents of my heart into here, hoping that someone else would read them. Then, I decided to shut it all away. And I was planning to keep it closed for a long time. However, after realizing that so many other people led their own blogs, I decided to re-open mine, but this time I wasn't sure if it was right to let people into my past. I erased the most personal aspects of each entry, and now I'm wondering if that was even the right thing to do. I made the mistake of advertising it on my formspring site, so that now lots and lots of people know about it. I'm currently in the dilemma of deciding whether to keep this blog or not.. haha But it probably doesn't even matter because there can't be too many people who read it regularly anyway xD

Okay well here's my actual entry that I was planning to post:

Have you ever 'rejected' someone's favor because you were afraid of how you would look in other peoples' eyes by accepting it? I've always been afraid of how people view me, and particularly if it seemed that I was viewed in a negative light. Recently a lot of people have been asking favors of me, for example the delivery of flowers to Rossie. Well, that's only one of the several, and perhaps the only one that's commonly known to many people so I use it as an example. haha Not that I wanted to reject that favor, I was quite happy to be the special messenger xD But anyways, I absolutely hate saying 'no' to people. I only started saying 'no' after I came to QA ><" Before that, it was always 'yes' to everything because like I said in my previous entry, I hate to disappoint people. I also used to think that people would hate me if I said no. I'm so glad that I've come out of that little shell, and if it's something for a friend I get happy that I can participate ^0^

Ehh this is going nowhere. I'll confess something... I was bored and blogging was the only thing I could think of to do, since the people I usually chat with on msn aren't on and.. do I ever feel like studying? Although, I HAVE started doing my physics syllabus statements for tonight =]

OH PEOPLE ARE ONLINE!! Goodbye ~~

Random

I don't have a topic in mind that I want to write about, but I am extremely bored and not really in the mood to use my brain. So anyways, today I was the deliverer of some very special flowers from a very special person to a very special friend. Who were they from? That's for me, and only me, to know (for now) =D I was happy for Rossie, but at the same time I was wishing that just once in my life, someone would present flowers to me too. Even though there's still another 60 or so years ahead of me (maybe?) I just can't help but want certain things to happen in a certain way~ Maybe one day soon I'll get flowers from a special someone too ~

Another thing I just thought of is how much I hate the feeling of disappointment. I hate being disappointed by others, just as much as I hate to disappoint them myself. I'm disappointed quite easily, and I've got to say that overall I am a pretty sensitive person who takes all comments to heart regardless if they were a joke or not. I don't like to show that side of me (and I do a pretty good job of hiding it most of the time I think) but I just can't help it.. Anyways, the easiest of all ways to disappoint me is through simple lies which I know the truth behind. I especially hate it when I ask friends about a certain topic that I know the truth about, and then they lie to my face about it. This really breaks me, because I know myself that I trust people really easily, and to see others lie to me as if it's nothing, hurts. I really wish my friends would be honest with me 100% of the time.. Even if they think that telling the truth'll hurt, I've found out the hard way that it hurts even more when you find out about the lies..

Songs that make you feel

It's rare that I find a song which can completely change my mood, 180 degrees. I was completely fine, and I decided to watch a short video. In it, they used a song by Blur called 'No Distance Left To Run'. After I heard it, I felt so.. depressed. I don't know, it was to the point that it felt like something terrible had happened to me and it's the feelings that I usually get just before I cry. I even felt a bit of a pang in my heart. I think that this is maybe the second song which has affected my mood so greatly in a very long time. I don't know if it's because maybe I can relate to some of the lyrics, or just because the sadness flows out of Damien's voice. Well, it's really different to what most of my friends listen to.. but I'm different in that way. =D

Here's the song and lyrics:



No Distance Left to Run

It's over, you don't need to tell me
Hope you're with someone who makes you
Feel safe when you're sleeping tonight
I won't kill myself trying to stay in your life
I got no distance left to run

When you see me please turn your back and walk away
I don't want to see you 'cause I know the dreams that you keep
That's where we meet
When your coming down think of me here
I got no distance left to run

It's over, I knew it would end this way
I hope you're with someone who makes you feel that this life is the life
One who settles down stays around spends more time with you
I got no distance left to run

Coming home with me
So home
Come on
Home

Trippy

Wow, I'm really on a roll with blogging tonight...

Who knew that Koreans could be so daring..??

You won't regret clicking this!

=___=;;

Some people are so. fake.

It pisses me off when I know that someone's being fake ㅡㅡ^

LINH DROVE ME!!

Dad said he would be late to school, so LINH DROVE ME TO HELENSVALE PLAZA. Omg so jealous of her car ><" Maddd driving skills

Yeahh... Just had to share xD

이토록 아름다운

This is a song that I really really like.



Well, there's a song for today..

Have you ever felt that some friendships were one sided, and some friendships just wouldn't last? Maybe you didn't, but I've experienced those feelings. Actually I never used to think that my friendships with people would ever end, but I've met people who have, over time, convinced me that it is inevitable for friendships to fade.

I had a conversation with someone once, and I said to them, "Even after high school, I want to be best friends with ____" and that 'best friend' happened to be a guy. I guess from friends I would expect encouragement, and I would want them to believe that friendships could last a lifetime. Instead, the reply I received was, "That's like, impossible. Think about when you're married. Do you think you can still be close friends with them?" or something along those lines. Well, why not?? Perhaps my husband could be close to my friend, and I could be close with their wife. What's not to work? Why all the pessimism before even considering the possibilities?

Later I had a conversation with the 'best friend' I mentioned, and then they told me that they thought they wouldn't keep in contact with anyone from school. I'm not 100% sure if it's because they don't want to, or because they don't think they can... That really cut me because I thought we definitely would.

But it's okay! Things have to be done yourself, and though I'm usually one to initiate things in my friendships with people (I think), it's okay that I'm first. Because someone has to do things first, and that person just happens to be me. =D

Anyways.. had a little rant because I randomly remembered it.. =____=;;

Oh yeah. Someone died today. Call me cold, but it only affected me slightly because I felt sorry for the people who had to watch him jump, or fall, or whatever. If it was someone that I knew then of course I'd be in tears and I'd be absolutely freaked out, but I don't even know this guy's name. Nor his face. I've never had any interaction with him, so it's as if someone on the other side of the planet has died. Scary, that he did it so close to my home. Sad, that people around me knew him and experienced a loss. Unfair, that other people had to witness. Well either way, erm. Hmm. Hope you had a good life til now, and though I don't really have any beliefs, I hope you go to heaven, or be reborn as a person who will live a complete successful life, or just rest peacefully.

좋아하는것과 사랑의 차이

고양이가 쥐를 좋아하지?근데 잡아먹잖아
바로그점이 좋아한다는 것과 사랑한 다는것의 틀린점이야.

꽃을 좋아하는 사람은 꽃을 꺽지만
꽃을 사랑하는 사람은 그꽃에 물을 주거든

Happy Early Mother's Day

Today, my sister and I went out to Pacific Fair to look for our Mother's day gift. GUESS WHAT WE GOT?!??! We got a massaging thingo which you put onto a chair:
http://www.shavershop.com.au/products/chair/deleted-therapist-select-quad-roller-massaging-cushion

It feels really good to just sit back and enjoy the massage =D

Also, my sister and I baked two cakes - Almond & Apple, and Carrot Cake.
Here are the before and after pics of my Almond and Apple Cake:

Before:


After [with cinnamon sprinkled on top]


I made using the following recipe:


Ingredients (serves 10)

* Melted butter, to grease
* 180g butter, at room temperature, chopped
* 140g (2/3 cup) caster sugar
* 1 tsp vanilla essence
* 3 eggs, at room temperature
* 100g (1 cup) almond meal
* 150g (1 cup) self-raising flour
* 80ml (1/3 cup) milk
* 2 small red apples (such as Royal Gala), quartered, cored, thinly sliced
* Vanilla custard, to serve


Method

1. Preheat oven to 170°C. Brush a round 22cm (base measurement) cake pan with melted butter to grease. Line the base and side with non-stick baking paper.
2. Use an electric beater to beat the butter, sugar and vanilla in a bowl, scraping down the side occasionally, for 8 minutes or until pale and creamy. Add the eggs, 1 at a time, beating well after each addition.
3. Stir in the almond meal. Add half the flour and half the milk. Use a wooden spoon to stir until well combined. Repeat with remaining flour and milk.
4. Arrange the apple, slightly overlapping, over the base of the prepared pan. Spoon the mixture into the pan and smooth the surface. Bake in oven for 30-35 minutes or until a skewer inserted into the centre comes out clean. Set aside in the pan for 10 minutes to cool slightly before turning onto a serving plate. Serve warm with custard.

I changed some stuff cuz it was really fattening Oo"
But it tasted pretty good overall...

Mum! Happy Mother's Day =]

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Starting afresh.. Kinda

Since there's been a whirlwind of people suddenly making blogs, I decided to make mine go public. I guess there's a lot of crap from the past here, and regardless of whether I regret posting them or not, I'm not going to delete the posts. Well, I deleted SOME parts but.. not like anyone would be THAT interested right?? =D

Well, JUST TO LET YOU KNOW, that things are written in the past. I guess I've gotten a lot better after becoming closer to my already existing friends - and I suppose if you really were too scared to ask how I felt within the past year(?) or so, you'll be able to see on my blog.

Ciao! <3