I'm feeling particularly vulnerable lately. Maybe it's because I haven't had a lightbulb for a week in my room, and have resorted to using the lamp every night, making me strain my eyes from the too-shiny light. Or maybe it's because exams are right around the corner, and they're coming on faster than I thought they would. Or it could just be that my dad's been getting annoyed at me for not completing his website. Well I'm sorry Dad, it just so happens that I want to work, while attending uni, while having a life. hah well I can see how well that's going (it's going pretty shit actually).

And you know what? Today, I caught the flu. Again. It's like, the 10 billionth time that it's happened this year, and I absoutely HATE getting sick. Who would like it, right? But it's okay if it only happens maybe once or twice a year. But when you get headaches every second week, and you have to put up with customers who are sickened by your runny nose for a quarter of the year, it really begins to take its toll on you. God damnit. Why couldn't I have some amazing immune system which could keep me sick-free for just ONE entire year? Oh yeah and what's with all these random nose bleeds I've been getting lately? Every time it happens, I'm hit with these pounding headaches which don't go away til the next day. The first time it happened, I seriously freaked out. I have never seen anyone lose as much blood from nosebleeds as myself. I wouldn't mind it if the blood was coming out because I wanted to donate it, but it just seems to happen at the most inconvenient times - when I'm out with friends, during lectures, while I'm eating. Gosh it can't really get much worse can it?

Oh no. There I go, jinxing myself. It is going to get much, much worse. Nothing ever really gets better .. unless, you know, you're Cinderella and one day you meet some amazing Prince who loves you so much that it's like he's been put on a spell. Rich, parents don't care that you're as poor as a hobo, and actually looks as decent as his personality is.

Okay, that reminded me of something. Something good did actually happen. But it's too embarrassing to admit to. Well, maybe not to others, but it is to myself. Because it goes against what I've believed of myself for the past (almost) 18 years. Not that it's anything huge, but it was still weird, realizing how one person, or one thing, can make all the difference in what you THINK is real, and what actually IS real. And you tell yourself that it's just one exception, only it's not. If you find one exception to any rule, I'm sure you're bound to find more and more.

Well, there was my rant for today. Rants are supposed to make you feel better. But I don't feel better. I suppose it's because I'm just saying it to myself, and saying it to myself makes me feel lonely, which adds on to my negative feelings. I should really shut up now.