Yes, I Am Annoying

After being pressured by some persistent people to write a blog entry, here I am, for the first time in a while. Yet another rant ..

The more I spend one-on-one time with someone, the more I begin to realize how annoying I may seem to them. Well, I don't try to be that way; I would prefer to be a person who others don't dread being around, but I've noticed that the closer I am to someone, the more I begin to badger and nag at them. It's been particularly noticable lately, as I've had more alone time with people than I've had for a while. Yes, I hate that I'm like that but at the same time .. I'm not quite sure how to change my behaviour. Is it my fault that my method of expressing my love for my friends is in such an annoying way? Well, yeah .. It is. But I don't know what to dooo. I like to hold onto people when I feel that I need someone - but why do they push me away instead? Personally, trying to hug someone but being pushed away by them is something which will instantly make me feel at least a little cut. And I don't know if you know this about me, but once I'm a bit sad it's hard to completely rid my system of those upset emotions. It's my fault though - I've always had this belief about me that I live to be with people, and people are as important as oxygen in my life. Hence if someone I love needs me, I would go to the ends of the earth for them. This is exactly where my problem lies. I have this faith in people, and think that they would do anything I would for them. But, obviously, this is not the case because other people can react differently to their unique situations and people.

Bleh on from depressing topics ... I'm really content right now. haha Ironic that I would write this straight after ranting about things that I currently dislike about life, but asides from what I just wrote above I think I'm happy. Well, life could be better of course .. But good and bad things come and go in life, and you've just got to learn to overcome the obstacles while enjoying the happy moments to their fullest I guess.. That's what I'm trying to do right now. Recently I confessed to a friend about my worry concerning my annoying nature, and they asked me "So what are you going to do if they don't really like you anymore once school ends?" clearly referring to how I'd keep in contact with friends now that they had a chance to escape. It was asked in a joking manner but I'll give a serious answer anyway since that's just how I roll. Well, my answer is that if I really cared enough about them as a friend, I would put in the effort to remain friends with them and just hope for them to return a little bit of my efforts. It seems that as graduation day looms nearer, more and more people have been discussing and asking me about who I would keep in contact with. The more this topic of conversation is brought up, the more I feel that I'm really the loner who won't be able to stay close to anyone in school despite my efforts. It seems that the more I think about any topic, the more negatively I begin to view it. = =;;

*sighs* And it really does take me effort to talk to people. People like Esther just do not understand. My conversations do not just 'flow' and I cannot say things out of nowhere 24/7. That often requires thinking for me, and thinking drains energy. Maybe this is why I enjoy the company of people like Tommy - conversation is never forced but when we do talk it's usually interesting enough to last a while. And really, I think it's extremely rare that we have pointless conversations which lead nowhere - that's something which makes me happy. Because everyone has those kinds of friends who you only ever really talk about school or work with, and to be honest I have quite a few of those friends. It's sad when I'm with someone and the only topic we can both relate to comfortably is something boring like school.

Ahh well I've laid out some of the thoughts which have been running through my mind today.. Feels good after not having done it for so long. It's definitely easier than trying to say it out loud .. somehow I feel a lot more reassured when I write about it instead ><

To end my post .. I'll post a couple of songs. They've got a real classic feel to them .. like ballads from 5+ years ago. I'm absolutely loving it.




어이쿠 가사도참 =.=